i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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