So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
