I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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