Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
we should paint friendship bongs
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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