in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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