I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
