I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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