i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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