They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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