someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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