sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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