They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
