Already got asked if we're dating
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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