Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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