Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
