so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
