woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
