this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
