as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
