It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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