just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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