Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
