dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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