I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
