maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
