Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
