I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
