the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
