White coat. Heels.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
