I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
