I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
