There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
