Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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