you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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