all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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