I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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