I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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