My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
