You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
