My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
