I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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