So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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