Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
