he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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