O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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