Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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