Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
