Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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