There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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