If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
