I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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